Since the late 80's, Apple has been known for its laptop computers, the PowerBooks. Award-winning design, kick-ass looks, and a certain air of exclusivity have made PowerBooks the portable of choice for travelers with any care for cool. But with most things Apple, that lightweight lady warming your lap comes with her share of "issues," and won't settle for a mere couple of bucks in her thong.
The new TiBook, as it's being called, is one helluva platinum blonde with that borderline anorexic look that seems to find its way onto white-sand beaches across the world. The first PowerBook with the G4 processor, the Titanium PowerBook is an impressive body of work. Such measurements as a mere 5.3 pounds of weight, a 15.2" "MegaWide" screen, a slot loading DVD drive, and some smooth titanium skin make her a real head-turner. But her "issues" quickly remind you why women like that don't stay attached for long.
Sexy, attractive looking things send most anyone into fits of lust. Gotta have it, and now. But as the days together wear on into weeks, a less "high maintenance" partner starts making much better sense. Compare the TiBook to the now-exiting G3 laptops. In the process of being discontinued (and already not available at the Apple store) is a workhorse of a machine that comes with all the accessories, expandability, power and good looks of, well, use your imagination. You can throw a Wall Street into your bag and hit the airport with nary a concern for her safety. She's a bit heavy, but none of that weight is wasted.
Word has it that merely lifting the TiBook off your lap incorrectly pops her battery out.
The awesome expandable battery/drive bays of the Wall Street means the working plane ride can be shared for six hours with two batteries, safely kept on a removable ZIP drive, or sloughed off for the length of a movie with a DVD drive.
The TiBook's slot-loading DVD drive sometimes won't give you your DVD movie back, if she even takes it in.
In fact, everything that's right about the TiBook is also everything that's wrong with it. At 1 inch thick, she's certainly sleek, but also fragile. I don't even want to know how much a replacement screen would cost. And oh, that screen of hers is huge, isn't it? But like other large things on slim females, it attracts lots of unwanted attention as eyes from every direction can't help but take a gander.
But what choice do you have? You're actually stuck with the supermodel slinking down the runway. Sure you could go with an iBook. They're plenty fast, very durable and offer some nice features. But an iBook is like taking your teenage baby sitter to work with you. Some personalities just don't fit in every situation.
In the name of progress and good looks, Apple has once again stranded an entire category of customer. The good side of the relationship is that those big black G3 PowerBooks are bound to retain their value for a good while. The bad side? Once again, limited choice. As laptops continue their move to replace desktop machines, your main piece of equipment could have a slow hard drive in the name of size, a paranoid owner who must make sure it's not flat on any surface or it'll overheat, an overly delicate $4,000 piece of hardware assigned to your name.
Not to mention you've got the best lookin' girl around with lines of suitors waiting to take her out. Willing or not.
- Omar Oddfellow